Monthly Archives: June 2006

Feeeeeeelings *la la la*

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Hmm…
Yeah, so I’m still feeling good/happy/fine. Whee.

I just noticed something though… I havn’t been able to cry lately, even when I’ve really felt like crying. I mean, yeah, I can do the whole, “Damn I feel really emotional” tears-trickling-down-cheek thing, but I can’t just break down and cry like I used to.
Given that doing that always makes me feel better, it’s weird that I havn’t been able to. Don’t really know what it is.

Oh well, not big deal. Maybe I just got too old to be able to cry like that? I dunno. Kinda sucks though.

Um… I totally slept for 14 hours last night. Woke up at 2 PM today. Meh. Work again tomorrow, dammit. At least Tyler’s back, so maybe we can do stuff together.

This is from a pole by the bus stop by Tim’s apartment. I don’t know what it is about it, but I’m really, really fond of the picture.

I’m also going to watermark all my pictures because I’m paranoid like that. Whee.

Happy

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Yeah so, first I just want to send out a HUGE apology for my entry and behavior yesterday. The lack of sleep, more than anything, was what caused me to be completely angsty and bipolar and such. Thank you to everyone who was there to listen and give advice. Thank you also to my parents, who care about me so much, and whom I really should talk to more often.

I’ve been in a really creative mood. Yesterday and today, I took some of my favorite pictures ever. They’re not anything special (composition-wise and such), but I just find them completely perfect. Wheee.

Um yeah. So I’m actually feeling good today. I had this huge introspective entry written and ready to post, describing how I felt so much more at peace with things and with myself… how I actually feel like I understand myself better now… why I do the things I do (namely, why I’m so negative going into things, because I really didn’t used to be), and such. And then I realized that, by writing it, I’ve accomplished what I had to. For that reason, I won’t post that entry.

I will say, however, that things just make sense now… everything just feels like it fits. I am comfortable with where I stand right now with respect to relationships and foo. I finally understand what people have always been telling me… how the best time for a relationship is when you least expect it, because then it’s meaningful and you’re not desperate. Before the important thing was always, “I like you, is there potential there?” But this time… that’s almost even trivial? What’s more important now is the existing friendship and just… that things work out, no matter what happens. I don’t even really know.
And I think that, for the moment at least, I can be content being single. That’s a good feeling… one I havn’t felt in a long time.
It’s nice.

So I spent all day today at Tim’s apartment playing games with Keith. It was lots of fun. The bus ride back was kinda interesting… the bus Keith and I planned to take only went to Wilkinsburg… so we got off on the busway and had an adventure figuring out what we had to take or do to get back to Oakland. Wheee.

A building on the way home from Tim’s apartment.

Work, day 4

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So today was a shortened day at work because we had to come back to campus for an NSF site visit. Felt like I completely undid what I did yesterday… I don’t know… I now have two ways that potentially will work to solve this problem, but I don’t know if either will work (or even if either is practical). I need to do a ton of work tomorrow so I can be ready to code next week. Ahhh.

I think I can do it, I think I can do it.

:-\
Meh, I am like completely exhausted (mentally and physically). This has been the most mentally-demanding week I’ve ever had… it’s worse than school, because at least with those programming assignments, you have resources that guide you through the steps (your textbook, TAs, etc), and the problems are straightforward… once you understand the problem, you can relatively easily solve it.
Not so here.


Trees in front of Cyert Hall.
I don’t know… I really like the colors in this one. Composition kinda sucks, but meh. I like the picture, so sue me.
Should have played around with depth of field more. The background is too in-focus.

In other news, finally got around to tweaking the blog archives into a nicer format. Now there’s a single centralized archives page, from which you can easily access monthly posts as well as individual posts.

Work, day 3

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Meh, I guess I should update or something.


Exploded OSC!

Wheee
Diet coke and mentos! (Dialup warning)

Um… so yeah. Work is… um… work is going. 8 says I need to believe in myself more, so I won’t post anything negative. I’ll just say that my current idea on tackling this problem had better work, or I don’t really know what else to try. Meh. And I really hope believe that I can make it work. Meh.

In any case, I felt like crap after work yesterday because I’d been looking at the stuff for 2 days and had no idea what the hell I’m doing. Feeling a little better today, since I actually have a plan now. And, moreover, I think it’s a plan that I actually know how to implement. I just hope that my plan isn’t inherently flawed.

Damn you 8 for getting me hooked on GTO… Gaah. I want to watch more now.

Short update. Apologies. I’m always exhausted after coming home, and I need to try and get to bed earlier so I can wake up in the morning. Bleh. 9-5 jobs eat up your life.