I hate photography (classes)

I swear, every time we have a portrait crit or I get a segment grade back, a little part of me dies and I just want to never touch a camera again, at least in an academic sense.
I mean, if I suck so much, what’s the point of even trying? I’d rather be photographing and printing because I enjoy it (and oh god, I used to enjoy it so much).
I wonder if I should drop portrait. The class is killing my love of photography, and stomping every bit of enjoyment I get out of it into the ground, and then stampeding over it with a herd of deer, and then running it over with a steamroller. I technically have all the requirements for my photo minor already. It’s just that I always feel bad dropping a class, even if it’s a class I absolutely late (read: graphics last semester). I’d rather just stick with it until the end. The unfortunate thing is I don’t know if my QPA can afford the hit it’ll take from staying in the class (especially given Networks and Graph Theory this semester, neither of which is going well). Just have to work hard to make sure my other two classes are A’s.
To be fair, I don’t completely disagree with the grade I got on this assignment (I do think I could have done a better job)… what gets me is the lack of feedback and the fact that I tried really, really hard for this assignment (probably the most work I’ve done for any single photo assignment ever)… and that I was actually *happy* with my work (then again, I’m usually happy with my work, but it apparently sucks anyway).
I wish I knew how to fix my portraiture.
Someone tell me how to fix my portraiture.
Am I bad at framing? Am I a bad judge of lighting or angle? Do I just print horribly? Is my artistic sense just screwed up beyond repair? How the hell am I supposed to improve if I’m never told anything beyond, “Crop your prints better,” and, “These suck, do better.”?

Yeeeah, I think that ruined my mood for today. To think I was all happy this morning upon waking up too.

Today is clustaring, working on my webapps project (which I actually enjoy doing, and am apparently good at given that I’ve gotten 100% on every webapps assignment so far) and dinner with Alisa (yay all-you-can-eat pasta). Then, tonight, there is a campfire of yummyness.

No picture. I can’t stand to look at my camera or any photos right now. Hopefully I’ll be up for piccaring again by tonight (because campfire shots are always fun).

I did, however, download 6 CDs worth of new music from eMusic today. A bunch of great stuff, and a little not-so-good stuff, but meh… it was only $20, so I don’t feel bad about it. Yay for cheap, legal, DRM-free music that doesn’t support the greedy RIAA assholes. You should get some too, especially since March is the Boycott-RIAA month.

Wow, I feel really, really, really shitty now.
God dammit.

5 thoughts on “I hate photography (classes)

  1. Mark’s lack of comments bother me too. It ain’t like Emily, is it? You should go approach him, cause he’ll actually talk about your grade afterwards, and give generally useful feedback.

    As far as stuff for class goes, I think your printing is the weak spot, at least on the last assignment. You had absolutely beautiful digital images you really shoulda straightup printed instead of your thin film (or reshot the film). For that in particular, you really under-represented yourself.

    Otherwise…shoot something different. Somewhere different – I know I’m gonna go my best not to be in the studio for this coming series. Go out to the South Side and photograph a little shopowner and his/her cute wife or something. Nothing better to break the funk than doing something crazy. Just don’t give up mate.

  2. you’re a really good photographer!

    contrary to mellowcupcake, i think you should totally drop the class. why take it if you dont like it and it’s killing your self esteem and love of art? i am all for dropping classes you dont need, but then again i tell you this EVERY semester!!!

  3. Hm… I don’t know what to say about dropping the class or not. If you think it would help to get more feedback about prints or anything, feel free to poke me anytime you want.

    I do know, though, that any TA or professor who tells you “These suck; do better” is not doing his job properly; that kind of comment provides no useful information and is highly annoying besides. Can you go back and ask for specific critiques or what the business majors call “action items”? It’s unreasonable for the professor to expect you to magically fix things without knowing what he thinks is wrong first.

    I hope you feel better :-)

  4. I HATE classes that I hate.
    (um… yeah. I’m confused, too.)

    I can’t stand classes where I am actually quite impassioned by the subject, but either the professor or the class itself approaches the theme with a completely screwed up view. Or the prof might assume that they’re the shit and you should accept their views on the subject as if they were written on stone and handed to you by God Himself. It makes me struggle not to hate the subject itself, and makes me want to drop the class because it’s a crappy professor/curriculum/department/major, but I almost never follow through.
    I have found that however shitty the class is, the fact that it pissed me off all semester usually made me feel better about my own approaches to the topic that I love in the first place, and have the additional ability to recognize and properly address the flawed perspectives that were given in class – they’ll most likely come up again.

    I don’t know if that made any sense, so here’s the jist: I don’t think you hate the photo, but you definitely hate the class. Take the class, take the pain, and you will indirectly have a better grasp of the thing you love anyways.

  5. It makes me sad to know that you’re feeling down. It is my hope that you have reason to feel better. I always enjoy seeing your photography.

    Advising follows if that’s something you fancy, but if not, please pay it no mind.

    Not like it’s easy, but in my estimation there are two options. One, drop the class.I think you’ve said before that you want to get your money’s worth out of college. The question is, are you willing to pay to have “a little part of (you) die” and to be made to hate photography? I for one pay to be enriched by my experience at college, not to be torn down by it.

    Two. Perhaps you have legitimate reason to want to stay in the class. Perhaps it is helping you learn something you wouldn’t otherwise. Perhaps you just plain want to finish the class. Whatever your reason, the thing I think is important is the same as before. Focus on the part of the class that you feel makes it worth taking. Focus on your reason for staying in it, and do all that you can to not be concerned with the rest. Again, it’s not easy. It’s hard to ignore some things. Somtimes it’s impossible. But it’s good to keep those things in perspective. After all, why give something that’s tearing you down the time of day?

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