Author Archives: Alan V

Foo

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Working on a single program for over 12 hours in a 2.5 day span does bad things to you.
It’s not even the good kind of “up coding until 2 AM” where you’re so engrossed in coding that you look at the clock and are surprised that it’s so late. It’s the kind where you’re sitting there banging your head against the desk wishing it would work the way you wanted it to and wishing that you understood what the hell you were writing.
I now have about 60 points out of 100 on the lab… at the cost of my sanity.

Yesterday was bad. Was already incredibly frustrated from coding until 2 AM the previous night. Coded pretty much all day until 9, when I went to a party-thing at dlstern/cmartens/tcauchoi’s house in a pretty bad mood. There, felt generally ignored and antisocial, so I left after a few minutes. Decided I was hungry so I went to get a pizza… came home to eat it, and completely lost it. I don’t even know. I don’t think I’ve cried that hard in a long time… but meh, it was actually kinda nice being able to just let go and cry again.

Mars and Apphia are awesome. They were there for me last night, and I don’t know where I would have been without you guys. Thank you.
Thanks to Car and Tom for letting me piccar them today.
Also, Ev, thank you for today. It meant a lot to me that you were willing to drive all the way here just to see me for a couple hours.
I guess the moral of this story is I have amazing friends. And I’m feeling better now.

Tomorrow is likely to be bad again. Today, I just needed a break, and so ended up not doing any work all day (mental health vs. failing a couple homeworks… I’d rather fail the homeworks). However, tomorrow I will need to tackle everything I didn’t do this weekend… which is to say, I need to do work for every class including work more on graphics. This is going to be a horrible week, with the best part being the analysis exam on Friday. Whee!
Oh well.

Piccars… because I’m in a piccary mood.
Ben and his brother. Roxors.

There also existed CtFwS

Today there was Car and Tom photographing.


I should go to sleep so I can wake up for 8:30 class tomorrow. I got something like 3-4 hours of sleep last night because I was just stressed and foo. That’s not a good thing.

…
I still feel kinda broken :-\

Mrrrr

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I may be a bad person :(

Ev came over yesterday to hang out. He was supposed to leave at 4:30 so he could get home by 5. Instead, he didn’t leave until around 8, and it’s totally my fault.
Meh.

Today, I was playing ITG with Chris, and he got an amazing score on Pandemonium Expert, and I cleared the screen before he could get a screenshot.
Meh.

I meant to go and work on graphics today during the break between classes and after classes were over, but I ended up playing ITG and then coming home to sleep instead.
Meh.

I’d already spent the alotted part of my monthly budget for non-necessities (covers DDR/ITG, new music from online, cards I want to buy, etc)… and then I ordered more cards (because they were on sale and I really wanted them).
Meh.

I fell asleep this morning in photo while we were watching the Avalon video (it was really interesting too… I really wished I’d seen all of it).
Meh.

I haven’t really had dinner (just a couple bowls of cereal). Our cabinets are full of quick-and-easy food things (like rice-a-roni, pasta sides, pasta, ramen), but I’m so lazy that I don’t even feel up to making any of those.
Meh.

Now I’m sitting here thinking I should be doing graphics or getting a head start on analysis, but doing neither.
Meh.

I really should start getting to bed earlier.

There was a Leah (here for CtFWS). She’s looking good (and distinctly feminine now). :D

Also, life is generally going amazingly.
I wonder if I’m over what Alisa dubs the “honeymoon” phase of a relationship yet.
*ponders*
*is giddy*
*bounces*
Hehe, nope. At least, not completely.

Updates foo

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First off, Ben, I wish I knew what to say. You’ve had by far the shittiest week imaginable, and I really hope things look up. If you ever need to talk to someone, you should IM me or call me (whatever time it is).
:-\
If you’re in the mood sometime, we should hit up ITG (my treat) and play Paranoia Survivor :-P Mwahaha.

Relationships are the strangest things ever. How can something that feels like it should be so much work be so incredibly relaxing and make everything seem less overwhelming?
Human emotion is such a paradox. I’ll never fail to be surprised by my own emotions and how they make me act.
I also never fail to be amazed at how comfortable I feel… I never thought I could be so open or vulnerable with someone, especially given that I’ve gotten myself hurt before trying.
I guess I’m just lucky. :)

Um… so, updates about life.
Graphics makes me want to die or kill something… and never write or look at another line of code ever. It’s not even necessarily the material. We’re writing a ray tracer for this assignment. That’s one of the most awesome things ever. Yet… the teacher and the TAs and the material manage to make me dread the class more than anything ever. I don’t even know what it is specifically I hate, I just know I hate it.
I talked to Mark, and he suggested that I either convert it to pass/fail (and so the work I’ve done so far isn’t wasted) or just tough it out, because he has no doubt that I can do it… it’s just that I’m not happy doing it. We’ll see how this lab goes… and then decide whether to convert it (I’m basically guaranteed to pass the class at this point) or just continue (and likely end up with a B, which isn’t bad at all).

This is basically the schedule I want next semester. It’s still up in the air whether or not I’ll be able to get graph theory (since it’s Mackey graph theory and everyone wants to take it), but it seems like an awesome schedule… 60 units of pure happiness (except maybe Networks, but that’s required, so meh). The other courses shouldn’t be a problem to register, but meh. I really should find an alternative for graph theory.

Photo is going decently. I kinda want to do another random “get people in the studio and see what happens” shoot, since the last one was incredibly enjoyable. I feel like Dylan wasn’t too thrilled with the results (the crit didn’t go too well), but meh. I enjoyed it, and when it comes down to it, I’m doing photography because it’s fun, not because I want to impress people with it.
So I guess… open call…
Is anyone interested in being photographed (again)? May or may not involve random clothes removal (obviously optional).

Other classes are going great. Algo is amazing. This homework assignment basically involves using network flow to model different problems. It’s so amazing to see all these different problem types being represented with network flow graphs… and it’s all really intuitive too, once you see it. Whee!

Alternate photo is completely perfect. We’re making gum bichromate prints, and I really like the way mine are coming out. I really should post pictures of my pictures sometime.

Analysis is awesome. Today we basically spent 30 minutes proving that the integral of x^3 from 0 to 1 is defined, and it’s 1/4. We basically showed that integration works. We’ve come so far from the first week when we proved that numbers exist and are defined.

Besides that, and besides me being stressed because of graphics, life is going very well. I’ll probably be whiny again once I tackle my graphics program and want to die, but right now, I’m happy with things.
Wheeeee.