Life, and life

Life goes. There’s not much to update, but there’s been an update to life. That’s how goes life.

I’ve been feeling really… weird for the past couple of months. In theory not much about my situation has changed: I still work from home as always, the job is pretty normal, and I still have the same access to all of my leisure activities at home (on the computer or Playstation or whatever).

But I feel increasingly stressed out and anxious about things, and it’s been especially bad over the past couple of weeks. I find it hard to do anything over the weekends anymore that aren’t rote “do the dishes” or mindless “watch youtube for hours”, and work on weekdays is now filled with periods of time where I just can’t work. A grocery store trip now has be a mental wreck for the rest of the day.

I keep hearing that people have so much more time now that things are locked down and that definitely isn’t true for me, at least in terms of unallocated time. I cook more now since restaurants aren’t accessible. I didn’t have a commute to eliminate and save time on. Any free time I do have now is spent trying to destress enough to function and do the things I have to be doing. If you asked me what I spend my non-working time doing, I don’t know if I could tell you, but it definitely doesn’t feel like I have any time for myself, to do the things I really want to be doing, these days. We had a three day weekend last weekend and the third day was starting to feel somewhat relaxed, but even that ultimately wasn’t enough.

In any case, Western PA is starting to open back up over the next few weeks. Needless to say, I think it’s wildly irresponsible and extremely premature, and will definitely not be trying to return to any form of normalcy anytime soon. The only thing worse than my anxiety about the current situation is my anxiety about how much worse things are going to get as states open back up.